Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
