A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
