Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
me + whiskey = a bad person
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
