Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How's work?
Spinning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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