i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
