Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
