yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
