No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
