Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
