just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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