I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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