I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
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You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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