It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
