dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
