I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
