Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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