ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
