ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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