I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he puts the penis in happiness.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
