at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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