Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you have to choose: penises or morals?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize