she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
