"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
