Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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