I can't watch pbs sober anymore
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
