My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
