at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
