just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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