i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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