so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
