I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
