there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
