I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
