May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
