Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
