Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
