Midget sex pt 2 tonight
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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