she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
