This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
