There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
