that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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