I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
