Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
