Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
