i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
