You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
