The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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