I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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