Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
