You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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