Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
