I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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