duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
