i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
