I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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