Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
