I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
