he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
