How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
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The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
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If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.