he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
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You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.