some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
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Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.