Texts From Last Night

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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?

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  (608): This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form? http://tfl.nu/l7lr
  Replies (108) Good night (1366) Bad night (4758)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.

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  (409): We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield. http://tfl.nu/bpsu
  Replies (45) Good night (11241) Bad night (2481)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this

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  (705): Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this http://tfl.nu/08vw
  Replies (40) Good night (1734) Bad night (6466)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

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  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (56) Good night (16142) Bad night (1404)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"

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  (434): Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing" http://tfl.nu/nbg8
  Replies (4) Good night (2372) Bad night (979)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.

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  (617): Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns. http://tfl.nu/g37i
  Replies (28) Good night (4732) Bad night (1462)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god

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  (204): Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god http://tfl.nu/wk7v
  Replies (33) Good night (1346) Bad night (3289)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.

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  (734): The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me. http://tfl.nu/j8wb
  Replies (6) Good night (760) Bad night (1538)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.

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  (+44): Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace. http://tfl.nu/pdfz
  Replies (7) Good night (1719) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.

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  (770): You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine. (770): I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon. http://tfl.nu/cq2b
  Replies (0) Good night (1216) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I hear you

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  (613): I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting. (250): I hear you http://tfl.nu/kr1l
  Replies (7) Good night (2190) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.

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  (321): Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever. http://tfl.nu/zuk0
  Replies (12) Good night (2676) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (61): View more from Australia

  Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.

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  (61): Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive. http://tfl.nu/0qk3
  Replies (5) Good night (411) Bad night (189)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I wholeheartedly concur

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  (907): There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail. (307): I wholeheartedly concur http://tfl.nu/eyej
  Replies (5) Good night (1087) Bad night (274)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.

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  (651): I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk. http://tfl.nu/9vy1
  Replies (3) Good night (381) Bad night (204)

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