If i could tip my vagina, i would.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.