Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings