it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
