Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Let's paint friendship bongs
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.