doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
