I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
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She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room