I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.