the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads