I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
