I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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