In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
