it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
