True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
