You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
