a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize