it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
