Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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