i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
