He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
