Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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