You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
