I hate your face
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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