I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
