Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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