Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
