nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
