i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
