I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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