My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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