Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
