mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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