last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
