I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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